[FormulaV-JH495]

net gevonden op AtlasF1.com

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My apologies to Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer, and The Proclaimers, and all those who have been touched by their music. These fine musicians had a strong influence over my formative years, and I owe them much more than I could ever repay with mere cash. So don't sue me, you rich-arse bastards.

The scene: Melbourne, Friday afternoon, all the practise sessions for the day are well and truly over. David Coulthard, Nick Heidfeld, and Kimi Raikkonen front up for a press conference.

Journalist: "Kimi, rumour has it that in response to criticism that your press conferences are potentially a greater threat to Formula 1 TV ratings than Ferrari team orders, you've decided to overhaul your image. Tell me, is there any truth in th-"



Kimi: "All right. Stop, Collaborate and listen - Ice is back with my brand new invention"

Journalist: "You're not the first driver to attempt to reinvent his public persona over the off-season. Apart from the fact that you appear to be dressed like a waiter and seem to be sporting a groovy flat-top haircut, what can you tell us about your attitude to racing this year?"

Kimi: "Something grabs a hold of me tightly, then I flow like a harpoon daily and nightly."

Journalist: "Will it ever stop?"

Kimi: "Yo - I don't know. Turn off the lights, and I'll glow"

Journalist: "Riiiight. My next question is for Nick - is it true that you've had a stero installed in your Jordan?"

Nick: "My, my, my music hits me so hard, makes me say 'Oh my Lord'"



Journalist: "Bless you!"

Nick: "Thank you, for blessing me"

Journalist: "Most welcome. So Nick, what's it like driving for Jordan?"

Nick: "It feels good, when you know you're down"

Journalist: "And how do you find Eddie Jordan?"

Nick: "A super dope homeboy from the Oaktown"

Journalist: "But surely this must seem like a step backwards for you - I mean, the only consolation must be the fact that Eddie invites only the hottest pitbabes into the Jordan entourage. Really, this drive is less about competitive racing and more about being a high-rolling playboy ladies' man"

Nick: "-and I'm known as such." "And this is a beat, uh, you can't touch".

Kimi: "To the extreme I rock the mic like a vandal, light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle!"

Nick: "I told you homeboy - you can't touch this"



Kimi: "..the girlies on standby, Waving just to say 'Hi'.."

Journalist: "Did you stop?"



Kimi: "No - I just drove by"

Nick: "Yeah, that's how we living and you know you can't touch this"

Kimi: "I go crazy when I hear a cymbal, and a hi hat with a souped up tempo - I'm on a roll and it's time to go solo!"

Nick: "Look at my eyes, man - You can't touch this"

Kimi: "Take heed, 'cause I'm a lyrical poet - Miami's on the scene just in case you didn't know it"

Nick: "Yo, let me bust the funky lyrics - You can't touch this"

Journalist: "So there's obviously a fierce rivalry that exists between you both even now. Do you think that this could pose a problem on the track this season, given the recent talk about backmarkers holding up frontrunners?"

Kimi: "If there was a problem, Yo, I'll solve it"

Journalist: "And Nick, if Kimi is coming up to lap you, what will you do?"

Nick: "Bust a few moves, run my fingers through my hair"

Journalist: "I see. Right. Ok. Moving right along then, David, we all know that this season is perhaps your last chance to win a championship for McLaren. Of course, first you have to beat your teammate - just how will you put the pressure back onto Kimi?"



David: "When I wake up yeah I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you. When I go out yeah I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you."



Journalist: "That's all well and good David, but what if you do something to your car, um, you know, uh.. I can't think of the phrase-"

Nick: "Break it down"

Journalist: "Thanks, Nick. David, what will need to be done to ensure less reliability problems at McLaren this year?"

Nick: "Stop. Hammer time."

Journalist: "Yes, thank you Nick - although I was asking David..."

Nick: "Yo, sound the bell, school is in, sucka."

Journalist: "David - if your McLaren breaks down on Sunday, what will it mean for your championship push?"

David: "I would walk 500 miles"

Journalist: "And if it broke down in the next race?"

David: "And I would walk 500 more"



Journalist: "Thank you David, Kimi and Nick. Best of luck in Sunday's race to you all".

Kimi: "Yo man - Let's get out of here! Word to your mother!"